Ineffability

You're All .....

2011-04-02T14:54:00.000-07:00

CUNTS!!!!

Planet Err?

2011-02-02T12:01:00.000-08:00

It was 30 years ago to this very day that Duran Duran released their first single 'Planet Earth'. Back In 1981, in my world (I was 9/10 years old), Thursday night was the most important night of the week because TOP OF THE POPS was on.

In Blighty we only had 2 and a half TV channels at that point and this was about your only chance to see what was happening in music (I was a bit

too young to appreciate Old Grey Whistle Test et al then). So, there I sat with my curly wurly, then I see and hear something that would signify the beginning of a whole lifestyle movement for me.

I wasn't in fangirl scream mode then but the music made me sit up and take notice. I mean, new romantics were nothing new .. We already had Spandau, Visage, Bowie in Ashes to ashes mode, Japan etc .. But this was different some how. To this day I can't put my finger on exactly HOW it was different, it just felt GOOD.

In retrospect the first Duran Duran album was quite a grown up 'dark' affair. I had always had untypical taste in music for my age, I begged my mum for Kate Bush 'The Kick Inside' when I was 7 and would mumble along to Blondie, The Ramones and even Velvet Underground.

So I bought Planet Earth and all the subsequent singles and album (I LIVED for music even then, I would buy EVERYTHING I could!) and I liked. I didn't realise the impact this band would have on me until 18 months later.

So in 1982 we had RIO ... The band were re-styled, the music was more boppy teen friendly, John Taylor and Simon Le Bon had blonde highlights and that all happened in sync with a rise in my hormone levels

The screaming had begun .. Posters covered every part of my bedroom, I would bomb down the stairs when I heard their name on the TV or radio. I, just like millions of other girls, was HOOKED!

I was a Duran bore .. Even now, when I have bumped in to school friends whom I haven't seen in years they would say 'oh you were that girl who liked Duran wasn't you' ... I was HARDCORE

So as the band changed I changed, I was on the cusp of becoming a woman and they tapped into that in me and millions of others.

See, this is the thing ... For so many people a pop band, a teen idol was your anchor, your glowing beacon in the dark. We were at an age where change was around every corner. The 80s were uncertain times, progress was STEAMING along in all sorts of ways, us girls were turning into women and trying to find our niche. I don't think the members of the band really understood why it was so frantic.

In 1984 they were at their height and I was SO into them. At this time my Mum and Dad separated, later divorced, and my mother and I had to leave the family home. It was a horrible time for me, my mother was still young and very attractive, she wanted to go out and do stuff again, my Dad was very successful and worked abroad a lot. I was left with my Nan who could be really nasty and took everything out on me that was wrong with the situation. One of my friends parents would feed me and let me stay with them every now and again, I will always be grateful to them for that.

Naturally I went off the rails ... What I thought was a happy home life was smashed to smithereens and I was left on my own at the age of 13. Music saw me through this. Duran Duran and the little picture I had of John Taylor in my purse saw me through that and much more that was to come.

This is a huge onus on anyone. The responsibility and burden that you helped get someone (kind of) through a shit adolescence without you even knowing it must be quite daunting to hear now.

I mean it wasn't solely Duran Duran, I loved all sorts of music but they were my mainstay. I had my hair done like John Taylor would wear trilby hats, leather trousers and jazz shoes lol ... I looked like a mini me.

Then at the end of 1985 I thought ... I shouldn't try to look like John Taylor, I should try to look like the sort of woman John Taylor dates. So my 15th birthday saw me go blonde, sex myself up and attract a lot of undesirable attention.

As the band scattered to the four corners, when Andy and Roger left, my interests were being asserted elsewhere (namely bad boys, bad booze and cigarettes). When they came back with Notorious in 86/87 I was well off the rails, had a whole stable of boys chasing me and thought I was all grown up! So the screaming stopped .. But their legacy lived on

I started work in a record shop in 1990 and along came Liberty .. I couldn't defend it. It was awful (in my opinion)

By this time I was HEAVILY into the band scene .. I'd run off to LA to live with a guy in a band (not long though, went home after 3 months with my tail between my legs) and was back in blighty broken like an old has-been .. I was 22

Then came ordinary world .. When I heard that song I cried and cried and cried ... It could of been wrote for me .. I was damaged goods, used up and spat out. It was like a breath of fresh air to me

I could go on and on and on ... Duran Duran today, in my opinion, are flogging a dead horse musically. It seems hard for them to produce the goods, no one can blame them for trying to make a few quid, but when you HAVE to bring someone else in to inspire you and hold your hand in order to get something down then its not organic to me ... Its gone out of the music realm and it's in the manufactured department ... I mean, as far as the other turds floating around in toilet bowl that is popular music it is head and shoulders above the rest .. But it's not THEM. They are a different creature these days, in some ways it's good that they don't rest on their laurels like some others do.

I should say that The man who stole a leopard is exceptional, I love that.

I might dislike the things they stand for today, I'm not overtly keen on the music either .. But they are MORE than that to me. I will always try to see them when I can in concert.

I can understand why they still attract a strong following after all of these years, it's the nostalgia and the fact that they were such an important band. I don't understand how some of the 40ish year old fans are so still FRANTIC over them (c'mon girls be grown ups and sane please) but I do understand the affection

Any uberfans reading this should note, this band is just as important to me as it is to you but you HAVE to be healthy about it! Don't stress it .. You'll never be their 'friend', You'll never go out for dinner with them or chat on the phone. Not saying they don't have an affectation for the fan base, sure they do .. But not on an individual basis, get some perspective! There's no point 'tweeting' them constantly, that does no one any good, it will drive you to the point of obsession!

Anyway I'm veering off into rant mode and we all know that gets me in trouble (aherm)

I will always have a place within me just for that band (mainly John Taylor). They were my anchor yet my escape pod as well ... When all around me was bad I would put on my headphones look at those posters and I was gone.

Today it's therapy, mortgages, kids, debt, work, divorce, pets, age that keep me distracted and vaguely on the straight and narrow

Thank you, Duran Duran. for meaning so much to so many. They got me through an important stage of my life (indirectly).

Update

Since writing this blog it has been brought to my attention that the two member of Duran Duran (Simon Le Bon and John Taylor) are a couple of smug arseholes. Simon is obviously away with the fairies, a bit pompous and self righteous but bearable. John Taylor however is a complete ANUS. He is the king of ego mania, self obsessed, vain, conceited, paranoid and deluded about himself. He lives in La La Land and boy does it SHOW!! It's been painful to watch actually. They have shown themselves (the whole band and its management) to be money grabbing bastards who give absolutely NOTHING back to the fans .. I blame the fans for this, if they scurry around for the crumbs Duran throw from its table AND are willing to BEG them to take their money then more fool them.

You know I said "I will always try to see them live"? Never again. Saw them at a small venue in London several weeks ago and they are tired old has beens who are churning out past faded glories and their new stuff is obviously wrote by someone else ... That someone else being a harbinger of 'money for old rope' which shows. Fine, they're over .. But the self indulgence which bounces right back at them from the sycophantic fans is SICKENING! ... I don't care who they reply to or what they say to people, really doesn't even register with me. What does make my shit itch is the total reluctance to admit what their game is and to wake up to the real world. When people do call them out on this then they block said person and the duranie attack squad come at you with all guns blazing. They ask "hey what do you think of the new stuff?" .. I don't know WHY they ask. They might as well just say "I need praise and acceptance and a hefty dose of idol worship so please indulge me"

So, me being me, I have to take the piss out of them and their attack mutts ... But I have attracted some cool people along the way and had a FUCKING GOOD OLD LAUGH

Bollocks to em ..... All the stuff I wrote initially? It's all based on what my perception was of them in the past, without really knowing much about them. Now I have a pretty good idea of what they are like at present and what with the piss poor music for the last 28 years, they can go fuck themselves.

Which they probably do on a regular basis zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Pssst!!

2010-07-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

We're going to DISNEYWORLD!!!!

Woooooooofuckinghooooooooooooo!!!!!

Never mind the bollocks ....

2010-05-25T05:02:00.000-07:00

Yeah, er, been a bit busy lately so haven't done any blogging ... So a bit of a catch up really (like you care)

So since my last post, the one where I found out I was ill, life's not been too bad! As far as my health goes I have bad days but not as bad as doctors thought I might be. I'm trying to stay positive (which goes against every fibre of my being) and looks like it's working atm :)

Earlier this month I attended my beloved ATP music festival in Butlins, Minehead. Was supposed to go with Stuart but as luck would have it he decided to create a situation (lying, stuart? never!!) so went alone. This was to my benefit as I didn't have his whinging all the time and him following me around like my shadow all weekend (as is usually the case) ... Oh and not to mention the constant pestering me sexually when I would find a month old rotting corpse more attractive than him :)

The music was amazing and I met some really interesting people. The singer from Deerhunter, Anna from the raincoats and all the girls from Shonen Knife. No ego's at this festival the acts just mingle with us mere mortals. And I met one very nice person in particular .... Andrew. Early days yet but he is actually a grown up, doesn't live in a cupboard and has no obvious hang ups. Not to mention great taste in music, long hair and as sexy as hell!! Yep, that weekend was one I will remember for a long long time

On a shittier note there has been more bad news at the 'school' .. A pupil decided to dismantle a pencil sharpener and go round slashing other kids with it. Of course the headmaster wanted it swept under the carpet but this really is an atrocious act and the parents have finally had enough .. Enter mothers against knives. Hopefully this school will start to buck its ideas up soon.

I was also a bit of a 30 second celeb myself! I was on sky news whilst out campaigning with my political cohorts. I have become somewhat the political activist lately! Advocacy of the truth in politics should be everyone's number one priority at this time.

I have also made big enemies with my local Asda ... The store is run like a dictatorship and myself, along with some friends (ALOT of friends), are actively boycotting the store. Not that the couple of grand a week loss we will put their way will bother them much but they know this is happening and they absolutely hate it ... Job done :)

Oh what else?!!? .... Loads of great gigs coming up over the next few weeks! Taking Lucy to pontins in August and trying really really hard to get enough cash to take her to Disney Florida in December before she goes up the secondary school and gets all grown up :(

Anyway ... Lots happening. I'm busy, positive and happy right now and I think that's all one can ask of life :)

Karma?

2010-03-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

Turns out I'm quite ill!! ... Nothing life threatening (at the moment) but it's something that is incurable and has the potential to become quite nasty. I have an autoimmune illness. For now it's mucking about with my thyroid, which means (most importantly) that my weight fluctuates GREATLY. I lost half a stone in one week but I also put it back on in 4 days then lose it again .. It's so annoying

So the implications are that I have zero chance of ever having sex again as I'm so unbelievably fat! We all know how shallow men are and that they would rather shag an ugly bag of bones than a prettyish fat woman

Oh well ... Just carry on as normal then I suppose lol. No one wanted me when I was slimmer so no change there. Get on with my life as best I can ... Just me and Lucy. I intend to go massively over drawn this year so we can do loads of exciting stuff

Who knows .. I might not even be here next year, or I might not be able to physically do much.

Happy days! lol

Blast From The Past

2009-10-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

I met up with an old old old old boyfriend (kind of) from years ago this weekend

Well, actually, we have been speaking for some time after we caught up on facebook and he asked me to go to a concert with him ... Which, I hasten to add, has yet to come

So we thought it might be cool to meet up .... Just to have a chat, a laugh, few drinks maybe

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, made a fool of myself as usual .... Didn't think he would fancy me and thought it was just platonic. I think it was just the drink but we ended up aherming .. Oh dear!

I was hoping for us to be kind of friends and go to gigs together when possible

Fucked that up now haven't I ... Quite literally!! lol .... It was fun to catch up though :0)

Sans regrets, Jane ... Sans regrets

Miss Havisham

2009-09-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

You know, I can see myself being single for the rest of my life.

Every time I talk to a man with a view to potentially dating, the words 'Cunt, Twat, Wanker and Arsehole' repeatedly go through my mind

Beyond a joke now!!

2009-07-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

OK .. enough's enough!!!

I have now been celibate for 8 months .. Just typing that fills me with disbelief and wonder on how I have done it. And how I have survived, mores the point!!

It's easy to resist sex as giving up the cigarette's made me so unbelievably fat no man on this god forsaken planet would WANT to relieve me of my 'cold' period.

A year ago I could never have done this, but my sex drive and opinion of the opposite sex have been at an all time low so it wasn't a problem .. But 8 months!! Come on!! I'm only human!! I think about it morning noon and night ... I dream about it!!

But I will NOT be having sleazy encounters with sleazy little men (and lets face it the only man who would want to with me right now would have to be slightly deranged)

What to do?? NOTHING is what!!

Oh this is torture :0(

LAUGH NOW!!

2009-06-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

These are some of the funniest videos .. Ever!!!

David Firth

2009-05-16T06:54:00.000-07:00

Great film maker .. And Funny!!!

Beautiful

2009-05-16T04:05:00.000-07:00

Love this .. Don't care if it smells like shit, I WANT A BOTTLE! All on the strength of this beautiful ad

Chris Cunningham

2009-05-15T14:46:00.000-07:00

'trestin !!!

Wot's Bin 'Apnin!!!

2009-05-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

Well not an awful lot, actually .. But will fill in a bit of recent news (get your cocoa and slippers lol)
Nightmare Before Christmas ATP - MY BLOODY VALENTINE curating!

I'm going here at Christmas time! My Bloody Valentine, Sonic Youth, Horrors, Delasoul and a whole heap of bands over 3 nights ... It's in Butlins in Weymouth lol .. But its a very cool weekend

I'm getting a puppy!!
And this is her .. Will pick her up in just over 2 weeks and we can't wait! She is a Border Terrier and is costing an arm and a leg (not literally, but you know what I mean!) but - hopefully - will be worth every penny
Still not smoking!!
Been three months since I have stopped smoking and am doing okish! Have one more week on the patches then I'm on my own, which is a bit daunting. Can't stop eating and have gained so much weight so it's a bitter sweet victory right now.
The future's bright!
Had an extremely interesting meeting this week and will hopefully take me in a new direction. Lot's of work to be done and early days yet but .. Watch this space!!
That's about all I can think of for now .. Told you it's all a bit dull at the moment
Toodlypips xx

A Book Review of 'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak

2009-05-02T01:52:00.000-07:00

It's Gay, dull and tiresome ..... Don't Bother!!

Brand is all about 'BRAND'

2009-04-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

I have watched Russell Brand Since he was in obscurity land via MTV all the way up to present. Have sort of followed his career with an ever growing curiosity.

He appears to be a self confessed fucked up individual who has overcome many issues in his life and admits to still fighting some. He has had a colourful past with lots of bizarre incidents, some sad some funny.

He comes from the same part of the world as myself and seems to have some of the issues I have acquired throughout my life also. I thought 'there's someone I can identify with' in some ways and found him somewhat sexually attractive. Above all I admired his honesty and his articulate way of telling his story injected with self depreciating humour. His working class roots show in his demeanour and from watching many interviews with him, as the interviewer and the interviewee, thought 'yes .. He's fantastic'!

I saw him at the Hammersmith Apollo last night with his stand up gig 'scandalous' it was the first time I have seen him live. Before the show started I was approached by a film crew to talk about Russell Brand and answered a few questions on what I thought of him and my ideal of happiness (I should imagine my input will be dropped :0) ... ). Of course I was full of praise, although I was slightly nervous and sure I made a complete tit of myself.

We saw the show which was as funny as Brand can be. He came on stage and I thought 'I don't like him'. He looked like a sleazy horrid little man, his humour just seemed crude and uninformed. It was all about him and his life since the 'Sachsgate' incident.

To say this man is self absorbed is an understatement. Anyway we laughed at the material we have heard a million times before, by the end I'm thinking 'this is soooooo old now'. He has one joke and that joke is Russell Brand .. The BRAND!

He was going to sign autographs in the foyer after so we hung about in the hope that I might get my ticket signed (oh dear). He appeared and I was centimetres away from him. It amazed me to see up close this man who I had held so dear, body and mind, and in a moment he went in my mind from hero to zero.

His demeanour is like a sickly old man preying on the young. I looked in his eyes and he is dead on the inside, his soul was sold a long time ago. He scanned the room for the youngest, sluttiest girls. He licked his lips at the heaving crowd of worshippers, giving himself up to them, jumping from his pulpit from which he preaches down into the hell that is a teenage fan. Immediately Nirvana's 'Rape Me' and the final scene from Patrick Suskind's 'Perfume' came to mind.

It has to be one of the most obscure things I have ever witnessed ... This man made me feel sick. He is nothing like the image he portrays in interviews and his stand up show. His honesty is, in fact, a lie. This man is dead, he has no substance. He is a collection of anecdotes that happened to him, retold again and again and again.

It is Easter weekend. He is the alternative Christ, a zeitgeist of everything that is wrong with the world. I am mourning the Russell Brand I was familiar with, It feels like I have lost a good friend. It make's me doubt my judgement and I feel a bit lost now He has been revealed to me.

He embodies everything I hate. A self obsessed man who treats women as sperm banks, a man who has no integrity. He speaks of love like it's a higher law. It is quite obvious this man knows nothing of love ....

................. And never will

	Nirvana - Rape Me

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Why oh Why oh

2009-03-25T14:23:00.000-07:00

why oh why oh why do I have to do ironing, cook dinner, wash dishes, make beds, clean the house, go food shopping, take kid backwards and forwards, feed cats and MAKE A FUCKING EASTER BONNET when I really should be getting pissed, fucked and stoned!?!?!

Wwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

Bloodyfuckingfags

2009-03-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

Still missing the fag's but it's alright, I've found something new to keep my fingers busy (had to leave the ann summers item alone due to R.S.I)

It's .. TWITTER! ... You can stalk celebrities and everything and it's fine cos so many other sad acts do it so you don't feel too weird. Actually it's a bit of shit and I'm pretty sure no one famous actually reads my comments .. Got plenty of fucking 13 year old boys following me tho!! I probably remind them of their dirty auntie. The one with the big tits who kisses them a bit too much at weddings and christenings.

It's a weird, wired and tragic-fueled place but it's kinda fun to take part .. And observe

Day One ... Again!!!!

2009-02-28T04:11:00.000-08:00

Here we go again but this time I'm trying the patches

SMOKING!!! ARGHHHHH!!

I'm feeling the familiar day one symptoms of quitting ... Coughing, dry mouth, dizziness, irritability, difficulty with concentration and incredibly hungry!!!

Goodbye fag's hello obesity clinic!!

Legs still crossed

2008-12-29T10:17:00.000-08:00

I'm doing well ..... Been celibate about 3 weeks now ... Intend to stay that way also

Friends

2008-12-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

I have some absolutely fantastic friends .... I am eternally grateful for them

Men come and go .... Friends are there always

Who needs a man when you have such brilliant friends

I have my mates .. I have a vibrator .. Think I might as well leave men alone Yup .. Men .. Go do one :0)

OH NO!!!!

2008-12-03T04:52:00.000-08:00

I'M SKINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Synchronicity

2008-11-26T12:37:00.000-08:00

Funny how thing's turn out sometimes

I have a very close friend who has started seeing someone 16 years younger than her (she's 40 he's 24) ... I didn't disaprove but I did think 'eeewwwww'

Now I have a 24 year old wanting to take me out .. He seems quite mature and intelligent, great sense of humour and absolutely fucking amazingly gorgeous!!

I don't want to make a fool out of myself (done enough of that lately) so I'm not totally sure what to do ... Part of me thinks 'oh do it life's too short' but then the other part is saying 'He's 24 for fucks sake!!!'

Lol .. oh the decisions I have to make lately are straight out of fiction!!!

Mistletoe and Slime

2008-11-24T06:24:00.000-08:00

Yes you guessed it!! It's that time of year again

The time of year when you are fleeced for every penny you have (and more) .. That time of year when you go out and get pissed at every opportunity because you're so fucking depressed lol

Depressed because Christmas time makes you realise how fucking pathetic you really are haha

You see lights and tinsel in peoples windows and ridiculously huge displays in their front gardens ... The time of year when you are supposed to be all happy and cosy with your nearest and dearest when in reality you all hate each other and sit around all day watching the telly and stuffing your face with rubbish, while you worry about your credit card bill haha

And what would I rather be doing?? Well getting shagged silly by that body builder bloke would be nice .. Or sitting on Johnny Depp's face for a fortnight

Ban Christmas .. If you have Children you are fucked, but not in a nice horny sweaty way lol

If a ginger kid bites me, what should I do?

2008-11-23T12:59:00.000-08:00

FAQ

Is Gingervitis contagious?
●yes, Ginger Kids are born with Gingervitis. It is hereditary and can be contracted by them biting you or touching you, avoid contact at all costs.

Do Ginger Kids have Souls?
●Unfortunately no, Ginger Kids are born without souls. A common misconception is that you need a soul to survive. This is completely false. Ginger Kids are people just like everyone else, even if they don’t have souls. Many Ginger Kids live happy, healthy, productive lives devoid of any sort of soul.

If a Ginger Kid bites me what should I do?
●If you have been bitten by a Ginger Kid immediately wash the wound with soap and water. If you have alcohol or peroxide apply it to the wound. Then call your local poison control for further assistance.

Why do people call Ginger Kids "fire crotch"? Are their crotches really on fire?
●A common misconception is that Ginger Kids' crotches are actually engulfed in flames. The truth is "fire crotch" comes from the fact that Ginger Kids have red pubic hair. It is similar to the nickname "Carrot Top".

What If I Conceive A Ginger Baby?
●Well Ginger Baby's, Really are the spawn of the devil so the cleansing process is very long and painful to some mothers, for one year you put one drop of poison in their meals. When the child is 1 year, 3 months and 8 days old, the day has come to remove of this offspring you must tie him in a bag of red silk, Drop it in a pool of holy water in the popes bedroom, at that point he should explode.

What to do if you find a Ginger
●The most important thing to remember: DO NOT TOUCH IT. If it touches you at any point it WILL consume your soul. Call the relevant authorities and have it removed. If after the meeting you start to feel hatred of small animals and there is a reddish tinge in your hair, you have breathed in "Ginger Spores". If this happens you will in fact become a ginger in the next 35 hours. If this happens, please attempt suicide at the next convenient moment.

Recent studies suggest that the ginger contagion is not only communicated by direct contact or airborne means, but has in fact begun a constantly changing molecular shape and cannot be identified by the human white blood cell- identical to the AIDS virus. Also, the disease is now considered most dangerous when a "Normie" hangs out with a ginger for more time than it takes to insult it.Symptoms include:
● A desire to go ice skating, golf, collect stamps, or any other EXTREMELY gay activity.
● Sexual interests narrow themselves to shemale porn and bestiality, usually goats.
● A yellow discharge leaks through skin pores, toenails permanently shed, and the growth of additional nipples appear under the cleft of the buttocks. This is the primary method of delivery of nutrients to the ginger's young.

Physical Characteristics
●Other common characteristics of the household ginger is the abnormal amount of freckles on their face. This is why children are attracted to gingers: they believe they are join-the-dots games. They're also abnormally florescent underneath sunlight, and could power the whole of Hampshire if properly harnessed. Unfortunately, they tend to get irrationally angry at people who try to lock them inside electrical power stations. Gingers try [like it works] to blend in with the normal people by pretending they do not have hair.

Ginger Anger
●These people have a temper, caused by the years of shunning from normal humans, and also the red incites violence within them. If you mention their hair colour you may receive:
● Castration
● Black eye
● Bites
● Curses
● AIDS
● An extra leg.

Rollins Gets It Right

2008-11-22T02:20:00.000-08:00

How very apt

You will be mine .. Oh yes, you will be mine!!

2008-11-20T02:46:00.000-08:00

Maybe not today or tomorrow .. But soon my pretty, soon

Lol .. These are Christian Louboutin works of art at a mere snip of £430. They are sold out everywhere at the moment and I could probably never afford them but hey!

I will have wild passionate sex with anyone who buys them for me hehe

They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said .....

2008-11-19T03:58:00.000-08:00

A long long while ago, when these things started coming to light, a friend actually came up with a theory that I have a sex addiction

And all these years later I'm giving that theory some consideration!! I have this self destructive thing when I feed my habit. I feel disgusted with myself as on the inside, generally, I have a lot of self respect .. But every now and then I get into a position where I can't resist

Like the last one .. Not my type at all, he gave me lots of bullshit and twisted and turned his personality into one which I would find desirable, someone to trust and believe in .. It was almost laughable to hear this going on over the phone .. I could see straight through it .. But I went along with it

It was the thrill!!!! I don't believe any of the shit put in my direction .. It's the thrill, the fake desire, pandering to my ego and vanity .. I can't stop!!

It's not love that I am looking for, It's to be desired. And when I do this shit I get the hump when I'm shown disrespect .. Which is hypocritical, cos, look what I've done!! I've been sleazy

How do I stop?? I don't wanna stop!! ..... Someone will say the things I wanna hear, touch me the way I wanna be touched and there I am, feeding my addiction, my ego .. Even when I don't even like them very much

I need to go to rehab ..... I'm scared to go out!! I get chatted up a lot and I do well saying no but one will come along and I say yes yes yes!!! And I shouldn't!! lol

Thick

2008-11-15T06:29:00.000-08:00

School quiz last night and our team came 5th, which was last place ... And shall I tell you why? Well firstly they were gay questions all about TV which i never watch and also all of us were off our faces drunk.

I am mortified about that night in general .. totally mortified ... Feel cheap and nasty :0(

Oops!!

2008-10-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

Well I managed to get to the Dirty Pretty Thing's gig .. Didn't see too much of the show though

I spent most of it getting slowly pissed and semi-seduced ... Was a fun night though

But it did make me realise just how fucking jaded I have become lol ... And that I really can't handle my drink like I once could ... And confirmed that sleazing about with men really isn't the way forward lol

Christian's great .. simple and pretty uncomplicated (although he tries to be) .. Shan't be pursuing this one .. Like I say, I'm just that little bit too jaded these days :0)

LIBERTINES PLEASE COME BACK!!!!!!!!!

Dirty Pretty Things

2008-09-27T05:58:00.000-07:00

This band is proving a bit of a difficulty for me!!!

A while ago I bought tickets to go and see them. This is the third time I have attempted to see them and the other two times I ended up selling the tickets on ebay as everyone I know has let me down.

And again, I am scraping around looking for someone again as mate has had change of plans

No one wants to see them ... why?? I think they are really really good

I know one person who says they like them but ... I shouldn't ask him .. He's a wanker lol

I'm fucking determined to go even if it means going on my own!!!!!

Cooooooooooooooooooooooooool

2008-09-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

This is my new favouritest cocktail .. yummy!!

FUN! FUN! FUN!

2008-08-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

I'm having so much fun this week!!

I was just walking around the supermarket with a big grin on my face

If only every week was like this one ..... Can't wait for the weekend

I think it's going to be ..... FUN!!! :0)

Desperate Measures

2008-07-29T04:34:00.000-07:00

Actually saw this in my local newsagents window (it had got a bit crumpled so filled in what was missing --- stylish!!) ... What d'ya reckon?!?! Pmsl

My new love

2008-07-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

Is fabulous and sexy and will probably hurt like hell :0)

This is the love i want

2008-07-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

Isn't it lovely?? And it doesn't piss you off :0)

Scarred for life

2008-07-19T00:25:00.000-07:00

But in a good way

Let me introduce you to my new tattoo

Eye closer

2008-07-07T23:33:00.000-07:00

See that post below??

What a pile of steaming bullshit that turned out to be ... AGAIN!!

What the fuck is it with men?!?! It's like ... How dare you have a brain and/or an opinion!!

Hahahaha I will never work them out as long as I live

Serves me right for dating someone who looks like an aging male stripper with the social graces of a farm animal and intelligence of a pit bull terrier

I only wanted to fuck him not buy him!!! But I'm nobodies fool and know when I'm being FOBBED OFF!!

Not sure why he bothered ... But he definitely got more than he bargained for with me :0)

Eye opener

2008-06-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

My god!!

Have I actually met a decent man?!?! After a bit of confusion and crossed wires and a little bit of fine tuning I think I have found one.

Am naturally cautious and nobodies fool so will just go with the flow and enjoy!!

FREEDOM!!!

2008-05-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

FREE AT LAST!!!

For four years I have been a slave to a certain relationship. It has caused me more pain and joy than I have ever known in my entire life.

I really did accept the fact that we had some kind of affinity and I was destined to suffer his mood swings for ever. But just like that .. I was released!

I am so happy that I am liberated from this relationship ... Of all the things I have endured and still gone back for more, one insignificant little thing happens and I can finally wash my hands of him

Wow .... It feels really really good. And this isn't one of my half arsed attempts of freeing myself by dating other men or distracting myself with something new in my life .. I am not dating anyone else and I have nothing new in my life (apart from a pair of shoes which I might add are absolutely fantastic)

The pure and simple fact is I reached my breaking point and I couldn't care less about him now. I am not bitter or resentful, although this is the most pathetic excuse of a man I have ever encountered, no .... In fact I pity him

I feel I can well and truly move on and stop mourning what we had .. It's gone, He's a different person now.

Dead and buried and in the past .. And I feel ALIVE!!!

These are a few of my favourite things

2008-05-17T01:23:00.000-07:00

I love lyrics

2008-05-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

Some lines from some songs that i just love love love

"What's the point of being rich if you can't think what to do with it? 'Cause you're so bleedin' thick" - Pulp

"The world falls down around you. You build up walls around you. You wear disgust like a crown" - Rollins Band

"Crooked little smile on her face, tells a tale of grace that's all her own. Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song. A little girl with nothing wrong And she's all alone" - Norah Jones

"Now this feeling's so alive, But, as you or anything, we die ... We die." - Ride

"And can you hear the sound of hysteria? The subliminal mind fuck America." - Green Day

"I fancy you But I've been destitute" - Distillers

"There's a club if you'd like to go, you could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own. And you leave on your own. And you go home and you cry and you want to die" - The Smiths

"What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means to be a joke and look, another line without a hook, I held you close as we both shook for the last time .... take a good hard look!" - My Chemical Romance

" Ive been around the world a million times and all you men are slime. Its the gun to my head, goodbye I am dead" - Sonic Youth

"No photographs around the back. Emaciated, iron flat. Dehydrated cutting bones today i'm over 7 stone" - Queen Adreena

"You went back to what you knew, So far removed from all that we went through. And I tread a troubled track. My odds are stacked I'll go back to black" - Amy Winehouse

"There's only music, so that there's new ringtones" - Arctic Monkeys

"You fucking bitch well I hope your insides rot" - Babes in Toyland

"My sister held me close and whispered to my bleeding head ... You are the son of a mother fucker" - The Pixies

"Cornered, the boy kicked out at the world .... The world kicked back a lot fuckin' harder" - The Libertines

"And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? How I wish you were here." - Pink Floyd

"Thursday night your stockings needed mending ... See how they run" - The Beatles

"The hardest thing you'll ever learn Is just to love and be loved in return" - The Gallows

"All the best women are married All the handsome men are gay" - Some arsehole

"Identifying marks, our history picked out in stars. We rip open the firmamment" - Queen Adreena

"Fuck this and fuck that. Fuck it all and fuck a fucking brat. She don't wanna baby that looks like that. I don't wanna baby that looks like that" - Sex Pistols

"But his bird thinks it's amazing, though, So all that's left. Is the proof that love's not only blind but deaf " - Arctic Monkeys

"Uncage the colours, Unfurl the flag. Luck just kissed you hello .... When you're a boy" - David Bowie

"I know you hate to need us, but why'd you need to hate? And where'd you learn to shoot without restraint?" - 22-20's

"You say ... Love is a temple, Love a higher law..... You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl. And I cant be holding on to what you got .... When all you got is hurt" - U2

"This one way love is just fantasy ... To share is precious, pure and fair .... Don't play with something you should cherish for life.... Don't you wanna care? Aint it lonely out there!" Marvin Gaye

"I don't want you to ever quit, it ain't no good until it hurts a little bit" Susan Cadogan

"He's convered in dandelions just to show you he's sensitive .. Rattling the snake of the devine and everything you thought to believe in ... Spinning yarn and lace up and down the cracks of your face ... He's the Bulllshit King!!" Juliette and the Licks

Top Ten Fav Albums (at the moment) ...

2008-04-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

1. Up The Bracket - The Libertines
2. Drink Me - Queen Adreena
3. Whatever People Say I Am That's What I'm Not - Arctic Monkeys
4. Dirty - Sonic Youth
5. Fever To Tell - The Yeah Yeah Yeah's
6. Waterloo To Anywhere - Dirty Pretty Things
7. Songs For The Deaf - Queens Of The Stone Age
8. Doolittle - The Pixies
9. Race From A Burning Building - Linoleum
10. A Different Class - Pulp

That is all

gardening

2008-04-26T06:06:00.000-07:00

I hate gardening and anything to do with it at all

This is when I need a man .. to do a mans job .. last guy i lived with wouldn't do it though.

Said it was a waste of time as it grows again (fucking retard)

I will gladly suck any ones knob if they come and do my gardening for me

Oh WHAT!!!!!!

2008-04-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

New film for 2009 Public Enemies starring ... wait for it ..... Johnny Depp AND Christian Bale!!!

I may have to take something absorbent to sit on if I go to watch it

Rip My Heart Out .. It's Valentines!!!!

2008-02-14T01:47:00.000-08:00

Happy Fucking Valentines

http://www.fat-pie.com/love.htm

Ill communication

2008-01-18T03:01:00.000-08:00

I'm absolutely certain that I speak a completely different language to men and that I must of been reading a completely different dictionary as my definition of certain words seem to be different from theirs!!!

Jeeeeeeez ..... I'm really not going to bother anymore haha .... It's like some lame arse comedy sketch!!!

It's been 7 hours and 15 days ..........

2008-01-14T03:12:00.000-08:00

Since you been gone I can do whatever I want .. I can see whomever I choose.

I can put my arms around every boy I see ... But they only remind me of you

Cos .....................

Simpsonized

2008-01-13T04:03:00.000-08:00

I've been simpsonized haha .. its not too bad actually!!!!!

If you wanna be simpsonized go here www.simpsonizeme.com

Confusion

2008-01-13T03:59:00.000-08:00

I'm slightly confused ... but ... I think I went on a date with a sort of pikey last night. I'm not really sure!!!

KJG

2008-01-10T02:21:00.000-08:00

Who I would be if I was younger, slimmer, creative and haphazard!!

Johnny Depp part 1

2008-01-09T07:33:00.000-08:00

Phwooooarrr!!! If you look like him ........

Still

2008-01-08T05:10:00.000-08:00

This makes my very soul cry

Your one fuck fantasy :0(

2008-01-06T04:57:00.000-08:00

Lately I seem to be questioning what it is men want. To be more exact, what do they want from me.

I really really don't want to sound conceited or egotistical BUT, according to friends and ex lovers, I am, apparently sexy. Yeah I'm told I'm pretty, funny, clever etc etc ... But the card which seems to trump them all is the sexy one.

Now I realise a lot of women try very hard to be sexy and spend a lot of time aspiring to be it, but I got to tell you it's not that great being referred to as sexy above anything else.

When I go out I know men look at me and think 'yeah, I'd shag that' unfortunately they never think 'yeah she is interesting and smart' OR 'yeah she's looks pretty I'd like to get to know her' .. It's always ... she looks like a good lay.

I don't try to be sexy its just there!! From my experience men have never taken me seriously ... It's like I'm some caricature or stereotype of what a sexually confident woman is. I'm not the kind of woman who attracts 'nice' men. Whenever I have dated 'nice' men who are looking for a relationship and not just a quickie they are not interested in me.

I have tried to change my appearance. I'm not blond anymore and I don't dress provocatively (in fact I never have) but still I get labelled with the sexy tag and treated as only good for one thing.

I am more than just tits and lips etc. I know you're probably thinking 'what are you moaning about?? you can have anyone you want!! Some women would kill for what you have!!'

But believe me .. It's very lonely only being desired for a one night stand. I'm only human!! I do understand and accept that I will never probably be loved by a man (I have learned to live without that and not expect it) but I would like a bit of respect and compassion and affection occasionally. I just want to be treated how you would treat your money when times are hard i guess !!

Guess I'm pissing against the wind lol .... Oh well !!

UPDATE

Apparently, yes I am sexy .. but the reason I only get one shag is when I take my clothes off my body is disgusting. Although its ok to shag the once it kinda effects my attractiveness and therefore a man cant find me attractive anymore. Its a bit like pandoras box. Clothes on fine .. Clothes off .. ewww ... sexy enough to shag all night .. but not slim enough to shag again. Whoever said men were shallow?? lol

Christmas

2007-12-25T15:35:00.000-08:00

This Christmas is the first one where I have been completely single in a very long time, probably since the early 90's I think.

But, actually, I've found it quite enjoyable .... There's a kinda tranquility to it all. I feel quite happy with life right now. Sure, with my tumultuous personality I'm always ranting about something lol, but I feel peaceful.

I have everything I want for the first time in my life .... Peace!! I have a lovely child and the people in my life are genuine and I care for them deeply with no fear of a backlash.

I guess you have to whether a storm to get to this place ... But I'm here lol

I don't want to say too much as fate has a way of saying 'oh happy are you?? well you spoke too soon' haha ..... But hey ... I'm happy!!!

I'm a confident, strong, happy woman who is in control of her life and now knows what she wants and doesn't want ... So err .. that's good right?!?! lol
Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night x x

Booty call

2007-12-23T04:44:00.000-08:00

Boredom and a small amount of alcohol has a lot to answer for I have discovered for the umpteenth time in my life lol

I committed the number one dating faux pas last night ... And I didn't even actually go on a date (think title kinda explains what happened)

But it was very surprising ...... I'm a confirmed passion addict and even due to the fact it was late, I was very tired and a bit merry the passion was in abundance.

However, was a big faux pas and know what the consequences are lol ... Still, was an experience I'm glad I had

That is all

The funniest day of my life

2007-12-19T02:52:00.000-08:00

This happened some time, about 3 years ago I think, but I just felt the need to re-tell this story.

It all started one morning on my way to the gynaecologists.

I got on the bus and after a short while the freakiest guy got on with a cat in a pet carrier. It was cold and this guy wore top to toe camouflage trousers and a vest .. dog tags round his neck and was obviously a bit backwards. He was talking to anyone on the bus and it became even more obvious that this guy was retarded. He was telling some old lady about all the medical procedures his cat had been given at the vets. So I look down at the box ... inside is a black cat with one of those big plastic collars round its neck and there was a label on the box ... It said (this was exactly how it was spelled) .. LUCKEY ... This did make me chuckle.

So the bus pulls up and he proceeds to get off at a stop outside a cemetery ..... So he goes to step off the bus, he drops the box, the flap falls down and the cat legs it straight through the railings across this huge cemetery ... He's shouting 'come back luckey .. come back' and running after it.

That was it for me ... I was literally on the floor killing myself laughing. I was getting filthy looks but I really couldn't stop myself.

Oh was so funny .. but that's not the end.

So I get off the bus and make my way to the clinic for my check up with the gynaecologist. I get ushered into this room and this little old man is sitting there in the worst wig I've ever seen and a hearing aid .... and his name was .. Dr Wisdom

Bearing in mind I'm still chuckling from the cat incident .... I sit down we talk I get undressed get on the table then spread my legs.

A nurse is assisting and while he's down there doing his stuff hes asking me questions ... I reply but he cant hear me .. He keeps saying .. what?? beg your pardon??.

Now I have an implement inside me and some little old guy between my legs shouting ... I look down and his wig is slipping .. I look at the nurse and start laughing .... She bites her lip and tells me not to. She says 'Dr I think you should turn on your hearing aid' .. That's it .. I'm in hysterics .. My muscles contract and the speculum shoots out and hits him right in the face.

Anyway I regain my control he finishes up and I leave .. still chuckling

But that still isn't the end!!

A couple of weeks before this A friend and I went to a night club .. There was this simple woman there and she kind of latched onto us and wouldn't leave us alone ... To my shame we did take the piss out of her a bit.

So I'm on the bus almost home from the fanny doctor and the bus pulls up at a stop .. I hear a tap on the window, look round and its this woman standing there. I just ignore her but she's banging on the window shouting 'hello ... remember me?? We should go out again one night!!' I'm totally embarrassed but i cant stop laughing. The bus pulls away and she's still running after it .. every ones looking at me ... I look back and she's still running ... Then she falls over.

By now I'm thinking ... This is the weirdest day of my life

I got home phoned my mate and told her ... She actually wet herself laughing

So there it is .. The funniest day of my life !!

Pretty Like Drugs

2007-12-13T03:15:00.000-08:00

I love this and her!! Watch and adore!!

Mr Men

2007-12-12T02:54:00.000-08:00

Mr Wrong

Mr Retarded

Mr Right Now

Mr Sexually Confused

Mr Needy

Mr Misongynist

Mr Hump n Dump

Mr Drink Problem

Mr Aggresive

MrBullshit

Just some of the Mr Men I have happened to meet on my dating journey ..... Good grief!! .... For some reason i can't get the lay out right .. fucking thing!!!

Kids

2007-12-07T01:20:00.000-08:00

I have a seven year old daughter and, trying to be impartial, is a lovely little girl. All she wants is for people to like her. She is polite, loving, sharing and considerate. All her teachers praise me on her manners and behaviour.

However, She is definitely the only one at that school. My daughter doesn't have an ounce of malice in her. So, of course, she is an easy target for the retard kids who think its funny to bully, intimidate and upset her.

Today, for example, A little girl in her class who I can only say has been dragged up is having a birthday party. Apparently they are hiring out the church hall and have invited every kid in the class ... except my daughter. This has upset her as she is being excluded as usual. Is that enough?? No .. The child whose party it is has taken great pleasure this morning in laughing in my daughters face and telling her .. You're not coming to my party but everyone else is. My little girl is standing in the playground, head down, crying .. as seems to be a daily occurrence. Christmas .. the season of goodwill !!! Don't make me laugh!!!!

What do you do as a parent?? There's nothing you can do except console your child .. which is frustrating as I would love to get each nasty little kid and their chav parents, line them up against a wall and shoot them.

Fucking people!!!!!!!

Will anyone ever prove me wrong on my theory that all people are cunts??? Don't think so!!!

Happy fucking christmas

croissant

2007-12-01T02:48:00.000-08:00

As I sit here eating croissant with swiss strawberry jam (yummy) I have come to the decision that I am now going to leave men well alone

I keep coming to this decision then someone tempts me away from it .. Not any more .. My last brush with a potential date has totally finished me off

Now, back to my croissant

Turned to the Darkside

2007-11-29T06:05:00.000-08:00

Ok so after my hair disaster the only way forward was to dye it dark and bide my time ... and the results are scarily gothic .. I look atrocious!!!!

Internet Dating wotnots

2007-11-26T08:46:00.000-08:00

Well

As you may or may not know I belong to an Internet dating site called plenty of fish. They arrange monthly meet-ups in London so, out of curiosity and nothing better to do, I dragged a friend along for the evening.

I know I shouldn't say this, being single myself, but ..... It really is no surprise some of them fishy folk are single.

So we turn up and I'm greeted by one of the hosts who has some kind of disability and a terrible stutter. I thought he was joking and blatantly laughed in his face .... This was a taste of things to come. We entered the bar and you could smell the desperation. The theme for the night was school disco and there were numerous 40 somethings in st trinian style outfits (not myself I hasten to add).

With reference to the smell of desperation. I believe it is similar to garlic. You can't smell it on yourself but others can who haven't indulged themselves in it. Hence I was the only one who actually smelled it (she says from her ivory tower)

As the evening wore on some almost normal people turned up. One guy in particular I have been speaking to on and off for some time. We did have a giggle taking the piss out of the less fortunates.swapped numbers etc etc. Now as men on the Internet go they adhere to these rules.

If you meet someone you like, the next day automatically spend the whole day trawling through profiles and subsequently chatting to other women as they desperately want to know nothing better is out there
Rather than say 'sorry actually I'm not interested' they insult your intelligence by actually giving some lame arse reason why they aren't free to talk (even though they have enough time to be signed in to said site)
They always look better in the picture they have on their profile than they do in real life

And if you do go to a singles meet (which i highly recommend if you like to laugh at people and highly recommend you don't go if you really do want to meet someone) don't dose up on decongestant tablets before you go then proceed to mix your drinks

I think I honestly offended some people and made a complete arse of myself kissing some bloke who looked like Austin powers .. oh dear

Anyway

meet ups - Not for actually meeting anyone normal
Internet dating - Not for people who say what they mean
men - all the left overs are left over for a reason

P.s .. For the people who have commented on the fact I went there so I'm just as bad?? I didn't actually go there to pick up a date or meet a man (I thought this post stipulates that) but for the hard of thinking i will clarify .. I went to take the piss .. No i dont need to resort to such low measures to find a man thankyou .. Im not exactly date deficient lol

That is all
http://www.plentyoffish.com/

Ebayer Sellers Are All Lazy C*nts

2007-11-14T14:18:00.000-08:00

Pissed right off with ebay sellers

It's so easy to just pop up the post office ... These bastards drag it out after they've charged you top dollar for delivery

Why do I do it!!!!!

Day 9

2007-10-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ok so it's day 9 of my new non-smoking life and it's not getting any easier. I thought I was over the worst and then I get stressed and marching up the shop in a huff desperate for a ciggy. Almost at the shop and I thought .. NO!! Don't do it! So I just bought a can of coke instead lol

I Can't carry on like this though. I'm angry all of the time, I'm stressed out, I can't sleep, I'm grumpy and I feel awful. How much longer will this go on for?? People have said that I will feel like this for a while but I thought I was over the worst of the nicotine withdrawal .... but it just seems to getting worst after a lull.

Someone .. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to go from Nutcase to Nympho in 2 hours

2007-10-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

Just wait to be contacted from people you shagged/dated years ago.

Or maybe messaging on the net isn't the best way to express yourself ... Hmmmm

Day One

2007-10-21T00:51:00.000-07:00

OK well it's day one of my non-smoking campaign. Yesterday should of been day one but I lost the plot a bit.

I have been reading Allen Carr's easy way to stop smoking. Everybody I have spoken to about this book either knows someone who has read it and stopped or has done it themselves. Therefore I was hopeful. Everyone said that they stopped smoking half way through the book .. I was even more hopeful.

I read the whole book and I still wanted a cigarette .. So I ran out and bought some last night like the pathetic drug addict that I am. This book really speaks to you like you're a bit stupid and I don't think I am a bit stupid (apart from starting smoking in the first place and my choice of men that is) and IT'S NOT FUCKING WORKING ON ME!!!!!

I bought his other book the ONLY way to stop smoking and am currently giving that a bash. Its unbelievably fucking hard though .. This book said it should be the easiest thing to do in the world if you have understood and read the book fully. I have, I'm pretty sure I have, but I can see right through what this guy is trying to do and its a little puerile

Anyway ... back to this precise moment and I am dying for a fag ... hmmmm .... Just waiting for Stuart to get up so he can talk some sense into me again. I cant even have sex to take my mind off it as I started my period yesterday ... great!!!!

Will check back in later ... bye for now